I did it. I won.
Earlier this year, I declared that I was boycotting summer. I declared it to one and all, to random passerby on the street, and to the police officer who almost arrested me for yelling it out at 3 a.m. in front of an old folks home.
It's too hot for this, I exclaimed.
The summer air, invading the Lake Area in late spring, oppressed all. The early summer months brought with them a drought, cracking previously lush ground, and making driving such a chore for those without A/C. Dogs melted into furry puddles of flesh and chewtoys in yards. The water park saw much use.
Even mornings were sticky affairs that left you drained. Well, no longer.
Thursday night and Friday morning brought a ferocious storm in to herald a cool front (or something, I'm no weatherology magicianist). I got up and out at 9 a.m. and actually frolicked. (Do you know how tough it is to frolic when you're above the 200 pound mark? It's tough.)
After catching my breath, I drove into the office, invigorated by the relative chill in the air.
So I would like all readers who were driven inside, or to shade, or to lakes, rivers and pools, in order to escape the heat, to thank me. Without my stand against summer, people would still be vaguely uncomfortable in the middle of the day! People no longer must walk into a cool office building and say "Oh, thank god. Air conditioning." People no longer must seriously entertain stripping down to their skivvies while on the job, taking pictures while at an official event, as elderly women and young children look on, and you're dancing in place because you decided to wear black that day, and why did you wear black that day, you're such an idiot, it's hot...
(Ahem.)
Anyway, now my boycott of summer is over. I'll be able to venture outside again in my free time (shading my eyes from the light, oh the sweet, clear light) and experience the outdoors again. There are so many things I wanted to do this summer: go jogging, get some exercise, buy a bike or some rollerblades, go on a road trip, cook hotdogs on the grill, play football or soccer. Maybe even go to the beach, catch some rays, and get rid of this pallor that's caused Twilight fans to flock to me anytime skin is showing.
(I'm the vampire that glitters in the sunlight only because I'm sweaty.)
I'll be able to do those things now! Just as soon as the thunder stops, and the rain falters, and the tornado watch is over.
Bleah. I wonder if I'll need to boycott thunderstorms next.

David Ryan Palmer is amazed at the power of boycotts to affect weather patterns. He's a writer/reporter for the Southwest Daily News, can be reached at nonah.me@gmail.com, and as far as he knows isn't on any kind of medication for his delusions.